The One who Forgives

My mother always tried to make me understand I cannot hold a grudge; I have to forgive people. Forgiving would make me feel better, would bring me good energies and I wouldn’t give the other person something to think or worry about.

I am still struggling to apply that lesson in my real life. More than often, people take terrible actions upon us – actions we could never imagine would happen. What are we suppose to do when someone breaks your heart? Your trust? Some people make it seem so easy to make this kind of decision. It’s like they have an instruction book explaining how to act in this battle of common sense and feelings. In the mean time, the majority of us are only mortals, having to live with mistakes and, sadly, guilt.

After a few bumps in the way, you start to get the hang of it. Better yet: you start to get tired of it. Yes, people disappoint us. Yes, people hurt us. No, we do not have to suffer with it. I am still not sure what made me realize it, at what point I decided a change was necessary. But the important thing is: I finally understood.

We can’t regret our actions or our decisions. Admitting something we did or said is wrong: yes, completely necessary. Sitting, crying and thinking endlessly about it: no, forget this. Think before you act; if it’s the right decision or an action you have to take, then do it. Just make sure your conscious will be clear after everything. After all, that’s the one little precious thing we need to take care of. Our conscious.

If we are not in peace with ourselves, nothing will be ok during our days. Feel good about yourself and you’ll see – life can be happy. Forgiving will be natural, you won’t have to try so hard to do it. It will be out of pure kindness.

Hannah Kahn

Unconscious Mind

              For a while now I have been thinking about how we manage to put ourselves in the worst situations. I mean, look at us: always running after things and people that hurt us and that we should just let go of. We are not able to say “goodbye” to someone after they spend a while in our lives; we are not able to throw away material memories. We get attached to people, that’s inevitable. And also, a little sad. Why the hell should we depend on others to be happy, or to have a good and pleasant day?
             I guess we’re all co-dependent. Stupid for wanting people to stay in our lives for more than a day. Stupid for trusting and loving. But, since that’s inevitable, we should at least enjoy the little time we have with that someone.

For the Pain

Have you ever felt like there’s nothing to hold you when you fall? No one to take your hand and lead you somewhere with safe things? Wish I had had the strength to say “no” the first time life offered me the wrong way; had the guts to go against all odds and continue living the way I always did.

Instead, I made myself a new someone, someone I don’t care for. I realized how amazing it is the way we can change when something or someone we care for goes away. Some people hide their pain, others try so hard to be noticed, and others simply get lost. Start having wrong attitudes and forget their goals.

The funniest is that, even though someone changed you completely, turned your head inside out and left, you still want them to be by your side. The smile they get out of you in one day has a bigger value than all the tears you dropped for endless months.

Hannah Kahn

Poor Reality

We put on a mask and create a personality similar to whom we really are – if it’s possible to know that -, but with changes. As time passes, the mask becomes natural and the truth becomes shameful. We’ll never know if the life of lies we created was best than the true one would have been.

Is it worth it, to give your life away for something you will never truly be?
                                Hannah Kahn

Find Home

You’ve been gone ever since I met you
and every moment of every day
I look for the strength to ask you
… can you come home?

If it was summer,
I would ask you to come home
show you my favorite place
and look up and up and until I find your eyes.

If it was fall,
I would ask you to come home
and take you the greenest street in the city
so you can make fun of me under a million leafs.

If it was winter,
I would ask you to come home
cuddle in my sheets
and I would make you a million different chocolate desserts.

If it was spring,
I would ask you to come home
take you by the hand
and kiss you from sunrise ‘til sunset.

There are only a few things that will not change with the seasons:
the place where my heart is
and my wish of you.

… can you come home?

Hannah Kahn

― Written for G.P. on July 27th, 2014.